"Colonel" Jim Breading Declares "WAH'R" on Colonel Jim's Breading Company!

Issued: April, 15 - 2012

My fellow Americans,

It has been some time now that I, Jim Breading, have put forth a great effort to procure a sample of Colonel Jim's famous and delicious fish and chicken breading, for free. Now, my goodwill efforts spurned, ignored like a fifth round draft pick from the University of Kentucky, and a virtual e-mail "white glove slap" laid 'cross my face by the so-called "Colonel Jim" himself (probably not even a Colonel), I am left with a heavy heart as I am now left with no recourse but to declare WAH'R (albeit a ridiculous, good-natured, tongue-in-cheek, and childish keyword war) on the foodservice breading company, loosely similar to my given name, that I once had desire to call 'friend'.

I shall not relent until the scoundrels finally submit to defeat by way of putting my picture on their product, public acknowledgment of my superior keyword relevance, and (or) free sample. I would prefer the fish breading, but the chicken breading would be acceptable as well should the Kentucky "Colonel" be wise enough to surrender a bag or two.

Done at the City of Washington, this fifteenth day of April, in the year of our Lord two thousand and twelve, and of the independence of the United States the eighty-fifth -- or whatever.

In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand, and caused the seal of the United States Company of Jim Breading to be affixed.

- Yours in fellowship,

The real "Colonel" Jim Breading, President of the Non-Colonel Jim's Fish and Chicken Breading Free Sample Eating States of America Evidently Consisting of Just Me...